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HelpRe: Bash my names / Name roast
in reply to a message by Godiva
1. Winona
Winona? Really? It sounds like you beat a dog to death and then resurrected the poor creature, only to have it regurgitate a featherless chicken. Then, they simultaneously made this noise before dying again. (I don't actually have anything against this name, and I think Winona Ryder's pretty cool. I just don't like the sound.)
2. Bianca.
This is the name of that weird kid in class that everyone avoided until they realized it was actually just the teacher drenched i n pudding from the cafeteria. The teacher then proceeded to teach a lesson solely about the hazards of owning a mule, although she herself rode one to school every day. (I don't really care for this one, it just sounds kind of strange to me.)
Winona? Really? It sounds like you beat a dog to death and then resurrected the poor creature, only to have it regurgitate a featherless chicken. Then, they simultaneously made this noise before dying again. (I don't actually have anything against this name, and I think Winona Ryder's pretty cool. I just don't like the sound.)
2. Bianca.
This is the name of that weird kid in class that everyone avoided until they realized it was actually just the teacher drenched i n pudding from the cafeteria. The teacher then proceeded to teach a lesson solely about the hazards of owning a mule, although she herself rode one to school every day. (I don't really care for this one, it just sounds kind of strange to me.)
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(Continuation)
3. Ingrid.
Um, excuse me? Did you swallow an entire rhinoceros and the reach voice lessons to five year olds from your basement that smells like a stable over Zoom? I'm guessing the sound then cut off, causing the children to walk around their respective houses singing whatever this is repeatedly to the tune of Piano Man, but 2 octaves higher.
4. Brooke.
I knew one girl named Brooke growing up. She was one of those girls who always likes to carry her new pet rat around with her, but then loses it and is forced to buy a new one. Therefore, Brooke never had an old rat. Years later, the school janitor discovered a thriving society of sentient rats in the cellar, who had taught themselves to read, write poetry, and contact alien lifeforms. They tried to contact Brooke, but by then she had fun off with some criminal and they were driving across the nation, stealing pillowcases and little soaps from unsuspecting hotels. Anyway, the janitor was able to safely remove the rodents and give them to animal control. Regrettably, they accidentally dumped every single rat into the Pacific ocean. I was homeschooled in Virginia.
5. Hayden.
Hayden was the name of Brooke's criminal husband and also a strangely large amount of the rats.
3. Ingrid.
Um, excuse me? Did you swallow an entire rhinoceros and the reach voice lessons to five year olds from your basement that smells like a stable over Zoom? I'm guessing the sound then cut off, causing the children to walk around their respective houses singing whatever this is repeatedly to the tune of Piano Man, but 2 octaves higher.
4. Brooke.
I knew one girl named Brooke growing up. She was one of those girls who always likes to carry her new pet rat around with her, but then loses it and is forced to buy a new one. Therefore, Brooke never had an old rat. Years later, the school janitor discovered a thriving society of sentient rats in the cellar, who had taught themselves to read, write poetry, and contact alien lifeforms. They tried to contact Brooke, but by then she had fun off with some criminal and they were driving across the nation, stealing pillowcases and little soaps from unsuspecting hotels. Anyway, the janitor was able to safely remove the rodents and give them to animal control. Regrettably, they accidentally dumped every single rat into the Pacific ocean. I was homeschooled in Virginia.
5. Hayden.
Hayden was the name of Brooke's criminal husband and also a strangely large amount of the rats.
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