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HelpRe: What is your opinion about parents who choose a nice name and then shorten/change it to something else?
in reply to a message by Namaide
Alright, allow me to explain it best I can from my own opinion, experience and observations:
When you have a longer name that has 1 or more standard nicknames, it allows that child to have the chance to have several options for personal expression and self identity. An option barred to the shorted named people such as myself growing up. I could be Grace or Gracie and that was it. My elder sister Christina experimented with a variety of nicknames growing up. In her lifetime thus far at nearly 30 she's been Christina, Christine, Chrissy, Christy, Christa, Chris, Tina and Teeny. All derived from 1 single longer given name that allowed her that chance of personal expression and experimentation with age and life stages until she settled on the name she most identified with as an adult. My younger sister as well who has a notable 2 part name but opts for a nickname derived from 1 of her 2 in her day to day life, but she still goes by both in professional settings.
I adore longer names. They give me life and I am always pleased in some capacity of a fanciful longer choice IRL. But we are not always "that person" 100% of the time and different names can be used in different settings. I love Elisabeth but it seems so formal to call a baby girl that in full. So grownup and formal for an informal time period. As a baby, maybe she is Libby, but her parents feel Libby is too informal for a legal name. Maybe they transition her to Elisabeth by grade school aged and out of early childhood. Sometimes names only serve us for a time in our lives but aren't suited for the entire lifetime for this or that reason. Bobby isn't good for a grown man but Robert is. Maybe those parents did decide to just go with Libby instead but Libby doesn't identify with Libby later on and she wishes she could have been Elisabeth or Betty or Eliza instead. Elisabeth has options. Libby does not. Michael has options. Mike does not. Do you understand what I mean?
What's more, for myself, I love a common nickname because it is more pedestrian and safer. If I used Seraphina and called her Sara for instance, Seraphina being heard In a crowd would be very distinct and memorable but Sara is very ordinary. I favor common nicknames very much in part because it is safe to be one in a crowd in public settings. Whereas privately or when they are older they can opt for the more distinct option. I love a long and unusual name but I don't want any stranger on the street getting wind of my hypothetical 5 year old's legal name.
Nicknames are also a way to communicate informality and kinship. My friend Elizabeth goes by Elizabeth in full with people she doesn't know well but I and several others she is close with call her "Bethy" when expressing affection. It's a way to express "I love you, I like you, I feel close to you" in a way formal legal names can't always express. If one has a more nicknamey legal name it doesn't always feel comfortable for strangers to call you by it. It allows for some social distance and formality on the flip side of things.
Also, I know you keep saying it isn't a judgment but your choice of wording and repeated usage makes it does in fact sound like a cultural judgment. Just so you know: just because a cultural practice is different than yours doesn't mean it's wrong or incorrect. I truthfully and honestly see no downside to the practice other than your own annoyance which doesn't concern me.
Please rate my "Names I would Use" list & "Backup Favorites" list. Feel free to rate some of my other lists too if you have the time.
https://www.behindthename.com/pnl/223226/138473
When you have a longer name that has 1 or more standard nicknames, it allows that child to have the chance to have several options for personal expression and self identity. An option barred to the shorted named people such as myself growing up. I could be Grace or Gracie and that was it. My elder sister Christina experimented with a variety of nicknames growing up. In her lifetime thus far at nearly 30 she's been Christina, Christine, Chrissy, Christy, Christa, Chris, Tina and Teeny. All derived from 1 single longer given name that allowed her that chance of personal expression and experimentation with age and life stages until she settled on the name she most identified with as an adult. My younger sister as well who has a notable 2 part name but opts for a nickname derived from 1 of her 2 in her day to day life, but she still goes by both in professional settings.
I adore longer names. They give me life and I am always pleased in some capacity of a fanciful longer choice IRL. But we are not always "that person" 100% of the time and different names can be used in different settings. I love Elisabeth but it seems so formal to call a baby girl that in full. So grownup and formal for an informal time period. As a baby, maybe she is Libby, but her parents feel Libby is too informal for a legal name. Maybe they transition her to Elisabeth by grade school aged and out of early childhood. Sometimes names only serve us for a time in our lives but aren't suited for the entire lifetime for this or that reason. Bobby isn't good for a grown man but Robert is. Maybe those parents did decide to just go with Libby instead but Libby doesn't identify with Libby later on and she wishes she could have been Elisabeth or Betty or Eliza instead. Elisabeth has options. Libby does not. Michael has options. Mike does not. Do you understand what I mean?
What's more, for myself, I love a common nickname because it is more pedestrian and safer. If I used Seraphina and called her Sara for instance, Seraphina being heard In a crowd would be very distinct and memorable but Sara is very ordinary. I favor common nicknames very much in part because it is safe to be one in a crowd in public settings. Whereas privately or when they are older they can opt for the more distinct option. I love a long and unusual name but I don't want any stranger on the street getting wind of my hypothetical 5 year old's legal name.
Nicknames are also a way to communicate informality and kinship. My friend Elizabeth goes by Elizabeth in full with people she doesn't know well but I and several others she is close with call her "Bethy" when expressing affection. It's a way to express "I love you, I like you, I feel close to you" in a way formal legal names can't always express. If one has a more nicknamey legal name it doesn't always feel comfortable for strangers to call you by it. It allows for some social distance and formality on the flip side of things.
Also, I know you keep saying it isn't a judgment but your choice of wording and repeated usage makes it does in fact sound like a cultural judgment. Just so you know: just because a cultural practice is different than yours doesn't mean it's wrong or incorrect. I truthfully and honestly see no downside to the practice other than your own annoyance which doesn't concern me.
Please rate my "Names I would Use" list & "Backup Favorites" list. Feel free to rate some of my other lists too if you have the time.
https://www.behindthename.com/pnl/223226/138473
This message was edited 3/6/2022, 11:28 AM
Archived Thread - replies disabled
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Replies
Thank you for your great contribution, Diana.
First of all, I'm really sorry if I've sounded disrespectful or judgmental. I swear that was not my intention. I'm writing this with the small keyboard on my pc screen because some keys don't work and since I don't write in English perfectly either, I wanted the post to be as short and concise as possible, so that's why I haven't explained myself well. I also made the comparisons to my culture as a way of explaining why I find this so peculiar, since writing this in English makes it seem like I am English too. Either way, I sincerely apologize.
Your comment has helped me understand things better. The fact that your name can "evolve" with you as you grow up sounds great. There are nicknames that I like more than the full name itself, like Maggie over Margaret, Kate over Katherine, Lottie over Charlotte, etc. But in general I still prefer long and a bit formal names, sorry, even if some of them are a bit too much xD.
First of all, I'm really sorry if I've sounded disrespectful or judgmental. I swear that was not my intention. I'm writing this with the small keyboard on my pc screen because some keys don't work and since I don't write in English perfectly either, I wanted the post to be as short and concise as possible, so that's why I haven't explained myself well. I also made the comparisons to my culture as a way of explaining why I find this so peculiar, since writing this in English makes it seem like I am English too. Either way, I sincerely apologize.
Your comment has helped me understand things better. The fact that your name can "evolve" with you as you grow up sounds great. There are nicknames that I like more than the full name itself, like Maggie over Margaret, Kate over Katherine, Lottie over Charlotte, etc. But in general I still prefer long and a bit formal names, sorry, even if some of them are a bit too much xD.
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You're okay! Your comment just felt vaguely targeted at me personally since I am an American and am one of the natorious "long legal name short nickname" on here so I was a little miffed at the perceived judgment.
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