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Help[Opinions] Why Do You Love/Regret Your Name?
Poll question that left me wondering about the reason behind responses: https://www.behindthename.com/polls/437344
I regret my name because of the person I was named after, not because of the name itself. I am honouring relatives and ancestors through my children's names, though I set strict criteria for my choices: 1) must have a good meaning, 2) the person/people it honours must be deceased without having caused malicious harm to anyone, 3) no "copy-paste" names.
What are people's thoughts on family names?
If you love your name, would you pass it on to your child?
What are the reasons people regret their names?
Would you change it, and if yes, what would you like to be called?
I regret my name because of the person I was named after, not because of the name itself. I am honouring relatives and ancestors through my children's names, though I set strict criteria for my choices: 1) must have a good meaning, 2) the person/people it honours must be deceased without having caused malicious harm to anyone, 3) no "copy-paste" names.
What are people's thoughts on family names?
If you love your name, would you pass it on to your child?
What are the reasons people regret their names?
Would you change it, and if yes, what would you like to be called?
Replies
I legally changed my name, and I absolutely love it.
I regretted my birth name—not because it was bad, but because it was just too common. Paired with a generic last name, it had no personality at all. The only thing that made it slightly better was that, despite how many strangers had the same name, at least no one in my immediate family did.
In my culture, we don’t use middle names. If we did, I’d use them to honor someone. But since I could only choose one name, I preferred something unique within my family. I’ve never understood the appeal of naming a child after a parent.
I regretted my birth name—not because it was bad, but because it was just too common. Paired with a generic last name, it had no personality at all. The only thing that made it slightly better was that, despite how many strangers had the same name, at least no one in my immediate family did.
In my culture, we don’t use middle names. If we did, I’d use them to honor someone. But since I could only choose one name, I preferred something unique within my family. I’ve never understood the appeal of naming a child after a parent.
I appreciate you perspective on having both a common and unique name. My name is common globally, but not where I live, so I rarely met anyone with the same name outside my family. The names I chose for my kids are not unfamiliar in my culture, but they're quite rare. I've never met anyone with their names. It's encouraging to know that having a unique name is a positive experience :)
I do not have a lot of thoughts on family names. I tend to prefer originality, and some of my family friends had some trouble with giving their kids family names because after one kid was named after someone from one side of the family, the other side of the family wanted the next kid to be named after someone from their side (and this was just over middle names). It was a frustrating situation. So, I personally will likely not choose family names for any kids that I may have, although a lot of my family members do have great names, I guess we will see.
I love my name, but I would not pass it on to my child because I would rather pick out a special name just for them, not one that got handed down from somebody else.
I do not regret my name, but people do tend to have trouble pronouncing it upon reading it, or mistaking it for other names upon hearing it.
I would not change my name given the opportunity. My name suits me just fine, and I have yet to come across a name that speaks to me in such a way that I would consider using it instead.
I love my name, but I would not pass it on to my child because I would rather pick out a special name just for them, not one that got handed down from somebody else.
I do not regret my name, but people do tend to have trouble pronouncing it upon reading it, or mistaking it for other names upon hearing it.
I would not change my name given the opportunity. My name suits me just fine, and I have yet to come across a name that speaks to me in such a way that I would consider using it instead.
I think family names are best as middle names. I think it places expectations on the child and also possibly transfers difficult relationships to the child (like you have issues with your mother and then name your child the same name which you have mixed feelings about.) I particularly think it's a bad idea to name a child after a family member who is abusive, etc.
I would not pass my name on as I don't think there are solid nickname options and I want them to be their own person.
People sometimes regret using family names for the complex reasons mentioned. People also sometimes regret giving their kid a "trendy" name when they don't think it suits them.
I would not pass my name on as I don't think there are solid nickname options and I want them to be their own person.
People sometimes regret using family names for the complex reasons mentioned. People also sometimes regret giving their kid a "trendy" name when they don't think it suits them.
I was named after someone, my great-grandmother (my father's grandmother). I never knew her and she had passed away before I was born. So I never felt any pressure to live up to her or to be like her. It was just a nice way to connect me with my family roots in a way. My father's cousins always say make the comment when we see each other at family gatherings, that it's fun to have another ''name'' in the family.
Personally, I see it as a gesture made out of love. My siblings also have the middle names of our maternal grandparents and I know it meant a lot for my Mom, especially giving her dad's name to someone. He passed away when she was 18 and always said he would have been the best grandfather ever. We never knew him, but she has always spoke of him with such love and tenderness. I don't see the arm if it's made out of affection. I agree that overall, you got to like the sound of the name and I would chose a name of someone that was loved or was a good person. But with those criteria, I wouldn't be opposed to give my kids a family name. I would probably not give my own name to my kids, because I agree, it sounds a bit narcissistic. But I wouldn't mind honoring maybe my own grandfather or my partner's.
As for my own relationship with my name, I like it now. But it took me a while. My name is known but a bit rare, so people would often call me a more trendy similar name. It bugged me so much. Not to mention at one point, there was also a popular TV show airing, which was literally my name. Not just the name of the female protagonist, literally the name of the show. Not my parents' fault, the show came on the air when I was 11 or 12 years old, but yes, these were the prime year of teasing. Ughh. I often wished I had a more common name, until I became older. Now I like the uniqueness of my name and I cherish it.
Personally, I see it as a gesture made out of love. My siblings also have the middle names of our maternal grandparents and I know it meant a lot for my Mom, especially giving her dad's name to someone. He passed away when she was 18 and always said he would have been the best grandfather ever. We never knew him, but she has always spoke of him with such love and tenderness. I don't see the arm if it's made out of affection. I agree that overall, you got to like the sound of the name and I would chose a name of someone that was loved or was a good person. But with those criteria, I wouldn't be opposed to give my kids a family name. I would probably not give my own name to my kids, because I agree, it sounds a bit narcissistic. But I wouldn't mind honoring maybe my own grandfather or my partner's.
As for my own relationship with my name, I like it now. But it took me a while. My name is known but a bit rare, so people would often call me a more trendy similar name. It bugged me so much. Not to mention at one point, there was also a popular TV show airing, which was literally my name. Not just the name of the female protagonist, literally the name of the show. Not my parents' fault, the show came on the air when I was 11 or 12 years old, but yes, these were the prime year of teasing. Ughh. I often wished I had a more common name, until I became older. Now I like the uniqueness of my name and I cherish it.
Thank you for sharing your experience. In my culture it's convention to name the first girl after the mother's mother, the first boy after the father's father, then father's mother for a girl, mother's father for a boy etc.
I used to like this tradition, because researching genealogy is a hobby of mine, and it makes it easier to track ancestry, but my family relationships are complicated and I don't want to burden a child with bagge from an already strained dynamic. My daughter has the same initials as my brother, but a distinct, feminine name of her own. My son has my great-grandfather's surname (grandmother's father) as his first name and we all share my grandfather's surname (mother's father). My name regret is a recent development, but I'm glad it happened before my children were born. My original name options were styled after my mother and grandmother because of tradition, not because I actually wanted to pass on their names. This experience made me stop and think about the "story" I'm actually giving to my children. I do agree that passing on a family name can be an act of love, like in your grandfather's case. I only realised it today, but both my kids' names come from good people who didn't get to live their whole lives. Both are people whose stories I want to pass on, while letting my children know that they're the ones writing their own chapters.
I do sympathise with having a TV show with the same name as you, especially if it's popular. TV shows come and go but I can see how that would be hard on a school age child D: My own first name was too common to inspire a TV show, and I'm hoping my kids' are too uniquely South African, but having a show, or worse, a BRAND, pop up with the same name as your child is definitely a 21st century naming fear :')
I used to like this tradition, because researching genealogy is a hobby of mine, and it makes it easier to track ancestry, but my family relationships are complicated and I don't want to burden a child with bagge from an already strained dynamic. My daughter has the same initials as my brother, but a distinct, feminine name of her own. My son has my great-grandfather's surname (grandmother's father) as his first name and we all share my grandfather's surname (mother's father). My name regret is a recent development, but I'm glad it happened before my children were born. My original name options were styled after my mother and grandmother because of tradition, not because I actually wanted to pass on their names. This experience made me stop and think about the "story" I'm actually giving to my children. I do agree that passing on a family name can be an act of love, like in your grandfather's case. I only realised it today, but both my kids' names come from good people who didn't get to live their whole lives. Both are people whose stories I want to pass on, while letting my children know that they're the ones writing their own chapters.
I do sympathise with having a TV show with the same name as you, especially if it's popular. TV shows come and go but I can see how that would be hard on a school age child D: My own first name was too common to inspire a TV show, and I'm hoping my kids' are too uniquely South African, but having a show, or worse, a BRAND, pop up with the same name as your child is definitely a 21st century naming fear :')
I want to avoid family names. I don't want it to seem like I'm naming anybody after anybody / showing favouritsism. Names that are unusable because of this (but otherwise like) include: Alexander / Alexandra (and varients aside from Alastair / Alastor), Michael, Ann(e), Ann Marie, Wilhelmina, Peter, Theresa, Marion, Thomas, Daniel, Sean, Phillipa, (maybe) Nicholas
I'd never pass my name on to my child, it sounds so narcessistic. Even similar names (Charles, Scarlet) are a big no
I think my name is just fine and I'd not want to change it. If I had to, I'd have to look up some names that were given in the 80s / 90s; Cynthia, Jennifer, Sandra, Cassandra, and Penelope
I think Cindy, Sandra / Sandy and Jennifer are the best matches there
I'd never pass my name on to my child, it sounds so narcessistic. Even similar names (Charles, Scarlet) are a big no
I think my name is just fine and I'd not want to change it. If I had to, I'd have to look up some names that were given in the 80s / 90s; Cynthia, Jennifer, Sandra, Cassandra, and Penelope
I think Cindy, Sandra / Sandy and Jennifer are the best matches there
Your family has some really good names.
I love my name. I think it’s pretty, unique, and a nod to my Welsh ancestry. As a child I didn’t like it because no one could pronounce it correctly and I wanted a more popular name like Jessica or Lauren.
People still mispronounce it. I’m called Serrie or Surrey and at times even Carolyn. ( It’s Ceridwen not Carolyn.)
People still mispronounce it. I’m called Serrie or Surrey and at times even Carolyn. ( It’s Ceridwen not Carolyn.)
Ceridwen is a beautiful name!:D Just from reading posts on here for a few weeks, it seems like distinct, yet culturally-grounded names generally give people a good name experience. It's nice to have that extra assurance about my children's names too.
Overall, I like my name, Katherine Marie. I’ve always gone by Kate, which I don’t like as much as Katherine, but it would be annoying to change now. A lot of people mistake “Kate” for “Katie”, which I despise, so that’s another downside. Marie is a pretty name, but I’ve always much preferred Maria. If I had to change my name, I would probably pick Caterina Maria (last name).
I think Katherine Marie is stunning, FWIW, and Kate is a lovely nn. I have never heard of anyone mistaking Kate for "Katie," but that's people for you :') My name is Stephanie, pronounced like Gwen Stefani. People shorten it to "Steph", which is a very masculine name in my culture... and honestly, shortening a name without someone's permission is disrespectful IMHO, especially when they just met the person. I don't correct it, but I never assign a nn unless someone invites me to.
I like and use family names, but only if I like the name and the family member.
I adored my mother and her mother: respectively Beatrice and Florence Beatrice. I always knew I'd want a Beatrice daughter.
My father was Cecil. Not my choice; given enough daughters, I'd have used Cecily.
Both my grandfathers were Thomas, known as Tom. Given enough sons, I'd have used Thomas.
My father loved his mother, Sarah Anne, very much. He was the youngest of five, and very close to her. He wanted to name me Sarah Anne. My mother got on with her MIL but didn't like or respect her; which my dad never knew. But she refused to use Sarah, found a name she did like, claimed that it was a delivery-room inspiration, which I doubt, and gave me Anne as my mn, which I like and my dad appreciated.
My son was named Peter after a friend, David after my birth surname, Davies, and Alastair after two friends and to include the initial A.
My first daughter was named Caroline because it suited her, Beatrice after my mother and Mary after DH's late mother, Bertha Maria.
My second daughter was named Beatrice after her late sister, Elizabeth after my step-mother-in-law, and Anne.
My mother liked her name, but disliked being called Beattie and, worse, Beat! She was OK with Bea, which is my daughter's nn of choice. In my experience, people sometimes dislike having a very popular name, and sometimes dislike the shortened nn form of their name.
I adored my mother and her mother: respectively Beatrice and Florence Beatrice. I always knew I'd want a Beatrice daughter.
My father was Cecil. Not my choice; given enough daughters, I'd have used Cecily.
Both my grandfathers were Thomas, known as Tom. Given enough sons, I'd have used Thomas.
My father loved his mother, Sarah Anne, very much. He was the youngest of five, and very close to her. He wanted to name me Sarah Anne. My mother got on with her MIL but didn't like or respect her; which my dad never knew. But she refused to use Sarah, found a name she did like, claimed that it was a delivery-room inspiration, which I doubt, and gave me Anne as my mn, which I like and my dad appreciated.
My son was named Peter after a friend, David after my birth surname, Davies, and Alastair after two friends and to include the initial A.
My first daughter was named Caroline because it suited her, Beatrice after my mother and Mary after DH's late mother, Bertha Maria.
My second daughter was named Beatrice after her late sister, Elizabeth after my step-mother-in-law, and Anne.
My mother liked her name, but disliked being called Beattie and, worse, Beat! She was OK with Bea, which is my daughter's nn of choice. In my experience, people sometimes dislike having a very popular name, and sometimes dislike the shortened nn form of their name.
I love how your mother handled the situation. Very diplomatic and graceful. I adore the names you chose for your children. Truly stunning! My condolences on your first daughter. It's beautiful that you kept her name alive through your second. I'm glad to know I'm not alone in hating it when my name gets shortened. It happens mostly with English speakers, and I know it's not malicious, but... :( Also, who shortens "Beatrice" to "Beat," seriously? Whose brain goes "yes, this is something a person would like to be called??" Astonishing.
I am so jealous of your strong family ties! I'm a sentimental person and I love the idea of treasured family names; I was always mad that I was quite literally the ONLY person in my family that didn't get some kind of honouring name!
For your delight, and everyone else's: my mother's cousin Fred (not Frederick) and his wife Mary (my mother's best friend) had the surname Thompson. Initial T, therefore, and they wanted to name their son Robin Arthur. Then they looked closely at the initials, and named him Arthur Robin instead, though he was always and only known as Robin. Rather Art than Rat!
I'm glad they looked before he was registered XD People forget about initials with unfortunate consequences.
I think I have a good name in a void, I don’t like the fact it’s extremely popular for my age range in my country. Think “ignore someone calling you down the street because they might be calling anyone “ level of popularity.
It’s better now I live abroad.
So no I wouldn’t pass it on to a child, naming kids out after yourself isn’t done in my culture anyway.
It’s better now I live abroad.
So no I wouldn’t pass it on to a child, naming kids out after yourself isn’t done in my culture anyway.
I regretted my birth name deeply, because of the reasons it was chosen and who chose it, I hated the meaning, it was too popular, there were no nickname options I liked... I hated literally everything about it, like, violently. I despised my name. I avoided signing things because I hated writing it, that's how much I hated it. Ironically, now that it's my middle name I feel warmly about it - I can see its beauty, and enjoy it there.
I love the name I have now, because I love what it represents. I chose it, the meaning is much more positive, the associations and namesakes are positive, and there are no nicknames to deal with, generally. I did end up picking another popular name, but it's not popular for my age group, so it's not so bad. I didn't have to go through 12 years of school as "Chloe B" like I did with my birth name.
I'm not able to have children, but if I had kids I would pass the name I have now on, for sure. One of my exes really wanted to name a potential daughter after me and I was happy to consider it.
I have given serious thought to adding another name once I change my ID to show my married name (which I do want; it's just such a huge pain to change everything, I've gone through it already and I don't know if I have the strength). Like picking a second middle name. But I have no idea what I would choose. Something INTENSE and METAL but I don't know. I'm too wishy-washy, it's amazing I managed it once.
I love the name I have now, because I love what it represents. I chose it, the meaning is much more positive, the associations and namesakes are positive, and there are no nicknames to deal with, generally. I did end up picking another popular name, but it's not popular for my age group, so it's not so bad. I didn't have to go through 12 years of school as "Chloe B" like I did with my birth name.
I'm not able to have children, but if I had kids I would pass the name I have now on, for sure. One of my exes really wanted to name a potential daughter after me and I was happy to consider it.
I have given serious thought to adding another name once I change my ID to show my married name (which I do want; it's just such a huge pain to change everything, I've gone through it already and I don't know if I have the strength). Like picking a second middle name. But I have no idea what I would choose. Something INTENSE and METAL but I don't know. I'm too wishy-washy, it's amazing I managed it once.
I love my name but I wouldn’t pass it on to anyone. Though husband and I both like another biblical R name for a possible future daughter. Two of my nieces have my mum’s last name before marriage as their middle names and two of my nieces have one granny’s first name each as their middle names. However all four nieces have their own first names that were picked because their parents liked them.
I have my grand aunts’ first name as my middle name but as she died two years before I was born I don’t often think of her or the family link. My brother was named after my dad and they are both named John but my dad has been known as Ian since he was boy and my brother has always been called John so most people don’t realise. My parents didn’t realise when they named my brother John that they were carrying on a family tradition that stretches back more than 200 years with John, John, William, William, John, John, William…..
I have my grand aunts’ first name as my middle name but as she died two years before I was born I don’t often think of her or the family link. My brother was named after my dad and they are both named John but my dad has been known as Ian since he was boy and my brother has always been called John so most people don’t realise. My parents didn’t realise when they named my brother John that they were carrying on a family tradition that stretches back more than 200 years with John, John, William, William, John, John, William…..
I don't really believe in naming "after" people. To often it feels more like the parents did it out of a sense of duty or tradition rather than a genuine honor to the person they named after, and as you found out, things can go wrong ...
People dislike their names for a lot of reasons: it doesn't sound or look good to them for purely aesthetic reasons, it has a bad association either from the start or later on, it sounds silly with their last name, they are always having to spell or correct it, there's too many other people with that name and they get tired of being Emily J or Tall Ryan ...
People dislike their names for a lot of reasons: it doesn't sound or look good to them for purely aesthetic reasons, it has a bad association either from the start or later on, it sounds silly with their last name, they are always having to spell or correct it, there's too many other people with that name and they get tired of being Emily J or Tall Ryan ...
My name is Anastasiya. It's kind of long. I use the short name Anya (more often used by people called Anna but it can also be for Anastasiya). I like it, but I don't LOVE it. I like Anya more than Anastasiya and the other short forms (I like most other short forms still). I wouldn't name my children Anastasiya because there are other names I like more that are not so long to call out.