today's show is brought to you by the word Contrived
Jaxsen: Also spelled c-o-n-t-r-i-v-e-d
Lewis-Lee: Lewis isn't bad, and you don't see it much anymore in the US, but Lewis-Lee seems kind of redneck, like he might have a brother called Bubba-Ray.
Dana: I do know two male Danas, but I still consider it a woman's name.
Catcher: Obscene pitcher-catcher jokes are inevitable.
Timothee: What a mean thing to do to a nice, respectable, manly name like Timothy!
Krystapher: And what a nasty, tacky, contrived thing to do to Christopher.
Abbas: One Abba was one Abba too many. *begins humming "Dancing Queen"*
Terry: Another name you don't see much used anymore. Male and female, Terry/Terri/Teri/etc seems to be between 35 and 55.
Duffy: Why do I associate this name with dogs?
Lycan: The Wolf-Man! Oh, no! The Lycan Thrope!
Francis: You DEFINITELY don't see this much. The last time I knew it to be ona living person, it was a name tattooed on some fat gal's arm at Wal-Mart.
Raimee: Contrived again. Douigh, Raimee, Faso, Lateedo.
Levi: Hope she doesn't try modelling for Calvin Klein.
Vincenza: This is neat.
Binny: baby-talk.
Pixie: That will look really good on an adult, even an adult model.
Heaven: I can tell what kind of modelling she'll be doing when she reaches her majority.
Sassy: And this one too.
Zhaavier: Contrived.
Gretely: Gretel's cute, why add that silly y?
BB: and her brother Bullet.
Alexyss: Joins Sassy and Heaven in a skanky spectacular.
Marie-Claire: Not shy about hiding her ambitions, is she? And what if Marie-Claire never hires her? What if she's stuck in Seventeen?
Babytee: So she's named after the things she models, huh? That is definitely not going to age well, even if she stays a model.
Kelove: The Kellogg's cereal with aphrodisiac properties.
Milani: I have old friends that I talk with by snail and e-mail from Mililani Hawaii, so this name reminds me of that place. Nice.
Vesta: I picture a scary old woman working as a housekeeper in a grim, decaying mansion.
Noie: ANd Yessie?
Tailer: Only slightly better off than Catcher.
Chanel: contrived again.
Sinclair: I have a relative who is a huge collector of Sinclair gas station memorabilia. This name always reminds me of gasoline.
Syvannah: I mourn for the abuse the lovely Savannah endured.
Avonlea: Contrived.
Mary-Charles: There was some gender confusion going on.
Shadow: That's my stepfather's black cat's name. Also, is she a shadow of a girl, sad and dark?
Dawn-Jennifer: I love Dawn, and Jennifer is all right, but Jennifer-Dawn flows so much better.
Bentley Jade: The green car manufactured for the Asian market.
Cassiopea: They thought they were showing off how smart they were by namign her after a constellation, but they blew it by leaving out that one i.
Concepcion Joe: Uh, yeah, we cal tell conception was involved.
Crimson: Because Scarlett, was, like, soooo trendy.
Cyncere Ri'Landstuhl F Galiola: WTF?! What were these people trying to do.
Cyndr Violet: Burned flowers.
De'Sire: the spelling makes clear it is supposed to be pronounced Desire and not Desiree. Trashy.
Forever: Hope she marries Mr. Young.
Heavenlea Faith: Is it possible to get diabetes from these sickly-sweet sugarcoated tooth-rotting names?
Heiress: Who are they kidding?! She's probably heiress to a single-wide trailer, a plasma TV, three pit bulls with bad breath and a hot plate.
Ibis: Not exactly the most beautiful or graceful bird you could name after.
Lovensky: some Polish last name? Or Lovin' Sky?
Mayday Christine: Uh oh, Christine's in distress!
Melroes: About on the same level as Heiress, why isn't she a model?
Moralie Benedick: Bent-dick jokes? Morally bankrupt is these parents' problem.
Nirvana: Still crying over Kurt Cocaine?
Priseis: What, precisely, is this supposed to be?
Queenie: Moooo!
Raven Crystal: "Hi, Mommy's a goth! She wears all black, my nursery is all black and she lets me play with her runestones sometimes!"
Trinytee: I want to put her ina boxing ring with Babytee and see who if any survives.
Whisper Faith: The noisiest kid in school
Wrigley: A squirming brat stuck all over with gum.
A'killies: His parents seem to have the same trouble as little Cassiopea's.
Esquire: Future babby-daddy for Heiress.
Honor Theo: Why, what did Theo do that's so great?
Lake Alan: Is that a compsite he was conceived at?
Rocklin Jett: This new experimental aircraft.
Thailand Tyrone: Obnoxious racial joke is being suppressed with great difficulty.
Zion Christian: Talk about an oxymoron.
Aamarie Salece Dreame: I can't even start.
Destiny Concepcion: Yep, she's destined to get pregnant very early on.
Promise Starr: Don't get your hopes up.
Rainii Brook: Fascinated with i's and water much?
Rivvr Lilii: Let me guess, Rivvr and Rainii are related.
Skya Rainbow: Come on.
Summer Rose: BTN Fragrance Collection.
Tuesday Blu: Well, how could you expect parents like this to know what day it is?
A'legend Armoni Tre'Sean: No, a bland, boring no-account who couldn't afford even an Armani-factory reject.
Allias: But what's his REAL name?
Evry Hunter...: ...Must wear an orange vest or hat and have his permits in order and on his person.
Mox Andrew: No, wait! Evry Hunter mocks Andrew because he forgot his permits in his car and wouldn't wear orange because he thought it made him look fat.
Sircordon Garcia: At least they didn't use Blu as a mn.
1. Bevin: very trendy sounding, and will likely be mistaken for Devon.
2. No comment.
3. something Japanese.
4. can't help you.