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HelpRe: Norah's Adoption Agency!
in reply to a message by Norah
FAMILY
LN: Westland
DW
Name: Dagmar Elsa
Age: 35
Occupation: Pianist
Hobbies: Making music, ballroom dancing
DH
Name: Detlef Benedict
Age: 37
Occupation: Carpenter
Hobbies: Rugby, ballroom dancing
aDS: Mikkel Nikolai
Age: 17
Hobbies: Playing cello, rugby
DS: Fabian Benedict
Age: 11
Hobbies: Swimming, playing guitar
aDS: Oscar Jonathan
Age: 11
Hobbies: Playing guitar, running
DS: Steffen Detlef
Age: 10
Hobbies: Judo, playing drums
It's been two years since Mikkel and Oscar joined our family.
It has been a really hard time for all of us. The change was initially a lot harder on Mickey and Ozzy (they called each other that, we went along with it) than we had expected. Ozzy seemed to be very afraid all the time. He would hide all around the house and he didn't say a word to anyone for the first three weeks.
Mickey pretty much broke all the statues and vases we had in his first 4 days here. He hit Stef repeatedly, he screamed at us and even tried setting the house on fire.
Stef kept asking us if we could "give them back". Our explanation that they were his brothers now, didn't seem to satisfy him. Fabian never spent so much time at his grandparents' place, helping our neighbour with chores, playing at his friends' house and anything else he could think of to not be home.
Even we thought sometimes that maybe we had bitten off than we could chew with the adoption...
After about a month and a half, some sort of shaky peace settled in the house. Mickey discovered our little studio area and spent a good deal of time recording himself playing the cello. Two weeks later he allowed me to play the piano with him. It was one of the happiest moment I've had with him. He really felt like my son after that. He was still aggressive though. Even his therapist was surprised that he really didn't seem to be improving like he had before he moved in with us.
Ozzy became a little more communicative with me and Detlef. He still didn't like speaking with the other kids at all. He never even said one word more than absolutely necessary to Mickey. He enjoys playing the guitar, like he did before, only he gets very angry whenever Fabian plays.
After a few months we decided they had to start school again. We had been putting it off for as long as possible, since we were so worried about their adjustment. Mickey seemed to like most of it, much to our surprise. He even started making friends. The only issue with him was that sometimes he'd have an angry outburst, which made other kids a little afraid of him.
Ozzy bit himself in his arms on several places the very first day of school. We had to take him to the hospital to get stitched up. Two days later, we thought we'd try again. He scratched his face open from his cheekbone to his chin. He still has four scars running down his face to this day... Obviously, we decided to let him stay home a little longer. We tried looking for a special needs school, but we would rather try one more time later on to let him go to the same school as his brothers.
The therapist recommended getting a dog for Mickey, because it could really help with him control his aggression to look after a loyal animal like that. We never really wanted pets, but since Mickey had been doing so well in every other aspect, we decided that if this would help him jump the last hurdle, we'd get a dog for him.
We got a yellow coated labrador. The kids named him Silly (*rolls eyes*). At first Silly played most with Fabian and Stef, but not long after that Mickey became more interested in him and started taking care of him.
One day Ozzy had cut himself again. He had deep wounds in his arms and legs and we had to rush him to the hospital. The same doctor who treated his bites helped him again. He said that we really needed to do something for Ozzy fast, because otherwise we might get in trouble with child services. We were scared when we heard this, because we couldn't do much more than be there for him and make sure he went to therapy.
When we got home, we put Ozzy and the others to bed and Detlef and I talked about what else we could do. After a long tiring day, when we finally went to bed, we decided to check on Ozzy first. We heard soft mumbling through his door and when we peeked in, we found him wide awake, sitting on his bed, talking to Silly who was sitting beside him. He was telling the dog about his day and about how the doctor has been nice to him when he was stitching his wounds. We backed away quietly.
Night after night Silly would sleep with Ozzy and always Ozzy would be talking to him. Ozzy's moods improved dramatically. It got even better after he started to talk Silly for a run every day. They'd sometimes be gone for over an hour, and I would always be so nervous whenever they were gone, but knowing that it was doing so much good to Ozzy and knowing that Silly was a big enough dog to fend of unfriendly people, was enough for me to allow this.
Mickey's aggression got better after he started playing rugby with Detlef. It was a very good and healthy outlet of his anger and the bonding they did while playing, make Mickey feel that this was really a permanent home for him.
Now the boys enjoy making music together and they often play in the yard with Silly running around between them. Both Fabian and Stef told me they liked having them as brothers now. Mickey can still get angry quickly, but he can get himself under control in time more often than not. He still has a lot to deal with and he has told us some horrible stories about what happened to them when they were younger. It turns out besides their grandfather, their own father had also often abused them. Ozzy is adjusting well enough. He's got some friends, but is still a little socially awkward. Detlef and I are very happy we were able to provide a good home for the boys. We've given up travelling, because we think the stability in our family is most important for a while (and we could barely afford it with all the therapy costs).
LN: Westland
DW
Name: Dagmar Elsa
Age: 35
Occupation: Pianist
Hobbies: Making music, ballroom dancing
DH
Name: Detlef Benedict
Age: 37
Occupation: Carpenter
Hobbies: Rugby, ballroom dancing
aDS: Mikkel Nikolai
Age: 17
Hobbies: Playing cello, rugby
DS: Fabian Benedict
Age: 11
Hobbies: Swimming, playing guitar
aDS: Oscar Jonathan
Age: 11
Hobbies: Playing guitar, running
DS: Steffen Detlef
Age: 10
Hobbies: Judo, playing drums
It's been two years since Mikkel and Oscar joined our family.
It has been a really hard time for all of us. The change was initially a lot harder on Mickey and Ozzy (they called each other that, we went along with it) than we had expected. Ozzy seemed to be very afraid all the time. He would hide all around the house and he didn't say a word to anyone for the first three weeks.
Mickey pretty much broke all the statues and vases we had in his first 4 days here. He hit Stef repeatedly, he screamed at us and even tried setting the house on fire.
Stef kept asking us if we could "give them back". Our explanation that they were his brothers now, didn't seem to satisfy him. Fabian never spent so much time at his grandparents' place, helping our neighbour with chores, playing at his friends' house and anything else he could think of to not be home.
Even we thought sometimes that maybe we had bitten off than we could chew with the adoption...
After about a month and a half, some sort of shaky peace settled in the house. Mickey discovered our little studio area and spent a good deal of time recording himself playing the cello. Two weeks later he allowed me to play the piano with him. It was one of the happiest moment I've had with him. He really felt like my son after that. He was still aggressive though. Even his therapist was surprised that he really didn't seem to be improving like he had before he moved in with us.
Ozzy became a little more communicative with me and Detlef. He still didn't like speaking with the other kids at all. He never even said one word more than absolutely necessary to Mickey. He enjoys playing the guitar, like he did before, only he gets very angry whenever Fabian plays.
After a few months we decided they had to start school again. We had been putting it off for as long as possible, since we were so worried about their adjustment. Mickey seemed to like most of it, much to our surprise. He even started making friends. The only issue with him was that sometimes he'd have an angry outburst, which made other kids a little afraid of him.
Ozzy bit himself in his arms on several places the very first day of school. We had to take him to the hospital to get stitched up. Two days later, we thought we'd try again. He scratched his face open from his cheekbone to his chin. He still has four scars running down his face to this day... Obviously, we decided to let him stay home a little longer. We tried looking for a special needs school, but we would rather try one more time later on to let him go to the same school as his brothers.
The therapist recommended getting a dog for Mickey, because it could really help with him control his aggression to look after a loyal animal like that. We never really wanted pets, but since Mickey had been doing so well in every other aspect, we decided that if this would help him jump the last hurdle, we'd get a dog for him.
We got a yellow coated labrador. The kids named him Silly (*rolls eyes*). At first Silly played most with Fabian and Stef, but not long after that Mickey became more interested in him and started taking care of him.
One day Ozzy had cut himself again. He had deep wounds in his arms and legs and we had to rush him to the hospital. The same doctor who treated his bites helped him again. He said that we really needed to do something for Ozzy fast, because otherwise we might get in trouble with child services. We were scared when we heard this, because we couldn't do much more than be there for him and make sure he went to therapy.
When we got home, we put Ozzy and the others to bed and Detlef and I talked about what else we could do. After a long tiring day, when we finally went to bed, we decided to check on Ozzy first. We heard soft mumbling through his door and when we peeked in, we found him wide awake, sitting on his bed, talking to Silly who was sitting beside him. He was telling the dog about his day and about how the doctor has been nice to him when he was stitching his wounds. We backed away quietly.
Night after night Silly would sleep with Ozzy and always Ozzy would be talking to him. Ozzy's moods improved dramatically. It got even better after he started to talk Silly for a run every day. They'd sometimes be gone for over an hour, and I would always be so nervous whenever they were gone, but knowing that it was doing so much good to Ozzy and knowing that Silly was a big enough dog to fend of unfriendly people, was enough for me to allow this.
Mickey's aggression got better after he started playing rugby with Detlef. It was a very good and healthy outlet of his anger and the bonding they did while playing, make Mickey feel that this was really a permanent home for him.
Now the boys enjoy making music together and they often play in the yard with Silly running around between them. Both Fabian and Stef told me they liked having them as brothers now. Mickey can still get angry quickly, but he can get himself under control in time more often than not. He still has a lot to deal with and he has told us some horrible stories about what happened to them when they were younger. It turns out besides their grandfather, their own father had also often abused them. Ozzy is adjusting well enough. He's got some friends, but is still a little socially awkward. Detlef and I are very happy we were able to provide a good home for the boys. We've given up travelling, because we think the stability in our family is most important for a while (and we could barely afford it with all the therapy costs).
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