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This is my son Ludwig.
S: "Nice name."
T: Oh, no.

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This is my son, Claud-Carl.
S: "Are you named after anyone?"
T: She could have done better than that.

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This is my daughter, Fancy. I see by the look on your face that you are disconcerted; fear not, her actual name is Frances. I wanted to call her Fanny but I think Fancy's a little more workable, don't you?
S: "Oh, yes."
T: Psh, hell no.

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This is my son, Franz Felix.
S: "I have to go to the bathroom now..."
T: ... to throw up.

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This is my daughter, Delight.
S: "That's nice."
T: That's crazy.

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This is my daughter Wilma.
S: "I have an aunt named Wilma."
T: I never liked that aunt...

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This is my daughter Nella.
S: "Hi, Nella."
T: Nellie would have been so much better!

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These are my sons, Fingal and Finbar.
S: "I have to be going, now..."
T: ... before I say something that will insult them.

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These are my children, Phineas and Nigella.
S: "Hi, you two."
T: Bye.

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This is my daughter Birdie. Why, yes, since you ask, it's short for Bernadette.
S: "Bernadette is a nice name."
T: "Lord, please don't strike me down for lying."

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This is my son Sylvester.
S: "Hi."
T: That's a cat in a carton!!