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Surname: Quartorze
WIFE: Katherine Maria
HUSBAND: Lucian Peter
FRATERNAL TWINS: Cassandra Rachel; Sebastian Andrew
SON: Jesse Clinton
MALE TWINS: Amar James
SON: Daniel Quigley (Daniel Handler is Lemony Snicket's real name)
SON: Tobias Alexander (Tobias was my great-grandmother's surname)

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Eliza, you gave me six boys! GACK!