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HelpRe: Do you feel bad when someone “steals” one of your faves?
in reply to a message by number1212
Julia was one of two names I always wanted to give a daughter. The summer before I married (and got pregnant with a daughter!), my friend named a daughter Julia. (We hadn't discussed it so it wasn't like she knew she was "stealing" and anyway I wouldn't have asked her not to use it) I thought it was great, but I was disappointed because I wouldn't any longer be comfortable using the name if I had a daughter.
If anything I am more exasperated by it now than I was then. But, with myself, not with my friend! I think my daughter's name might have actually been Julia, if not for that happening. It's not that I resent not getting to use the name because my friend used it - someone got the name, so that's all good - what irritates me is that I thought it mattered so much, and it turned out not to, because I ended up moving away before my daughter turned two, and losing touch with that friend.
And also, from where I am sitting right now (my non-Julia is just about grown up) ... it would not have mattered even if I had NOT moved away, and we had raised our two Julias as friends. It would have been fine, as long as I and my friend were enough like mature adults to be happy for each other, and not bitter over a name. You can always put a positive spin on people sharing a name because everyone likes it!
(Even if a name is truly unusual and special and was clearly stolen without regard ... like if you & your partner were Sammy and Ray and wanted to name your kid Samiray, and someone close-ish to you "stole" that name right as you were getting into prime time to start a family - I could understand feeling angry about it. But the necessary negative consequences for a second-named Samiray are still zero, in fact! as long as the first one hasn't cultivated a horrible reputation. All you have to do is be positive about what a great name it is.)
Naming a pet Harper after your cousin's daughter has been named that: I don't think I'd do that. Sharing a name with an animal in the same family, esp. one named after your birth, seems a bit humiliating, and it's hard to spin it positively like you can with a person. Also, by the time you get your pet you might find Harper starts to seem too cousiny, and not enough feline/canine/etc. IMO you can still name a daughter Harper someday if you wanna, though.
- mirfak
If anything I am more exasperated by it now than I was then. But, with myself, not with my friend! I think my daughter's name might have actually been Julia, if not for that happening. It's not that I resent not getting to use the name because my friend used it - someone got the name, so that's all good - what irritates me is that I thought it mattered so much, and it turned out not to, because I ended up moving away before my daughter turned two, and losing touch with that friend.
And also, from where I am sitting right now (my non-Julia is just about grown up) ... it would not have mattered even if I had NOT moved away, and we had raised our two Julias as friends. It would have been fine, as long as I and my friend were enough like mature adults to be happy for each other, and not bitter over a name. You can always put a positive spin on people sharing a name because everyone likes it!
(Even if a name is truly unusual and special and was clearly stolen without regard ... like if you & your partner were Sammy and Ray and wanted to name your kid Samiray, and someone close-ish to you "stole" that name right as you were getting into prime time to start a family - I could understand feeling angry about it. But the necessary negative consequences for a second-named Samiray are still zero, in fact! as long as the first one hasn't cultivated a horrible reputation. All you have to do is be positive about what a great name it is.)
Naming a pet Harper after your cousin's daughter has been named that: I don't think I'd do that. Sharing a name with an animal in the same family, esp. one named after your birth, seems a bit humiliating, and it's hard to spin it positively like you can with a person. Also, by the time you get your pet you might find Harper starts to seem too cousiny, and not enough feline/canine/etc. IMO you can still name a daughter Harper someday if you wanna, though.
- mirfak
This message was edited 10/6/2024, 3:44 PM
