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Naming a child after a parent , especially a son after a father, isn’t done at all in my culture. So that would be my main objection. A compromise would be using a middle name as a first name or a variant, or maybe even a different gender form (eg Michelle for Michael) if it was desperately important for them.

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It’s not really massively different than convincing your partner not to use any other name you strongly dislike. “Sorry but I hate that” should be enough.

This message was edited 1/26/2022, 9:39 AM

I'd just say no. The child isn't just your partner's, it's yours too so you have to be on the same page and pick a name you both like/think is OK.

I'd go as far as using partner's first or middle name as the baby's middle, or his middle name as the baby's first name.

DH's grandfather had two good friends: one man's fn was Ernest and the other's ln was Fraser. My FIL was named Ernest Fraser Ln, but never answered to either: he got the nickname Q or Kew as a baby and it stuck. His first son, DH, was named Ernest H-name - Ernest after his father, H-name because his parents both liked it. So, OK. Two more sons arrived: Roy Fraser and Fraser David. DH has always regretted that he got Ernest instead of Fraser, which he prefers, though he has always gone by H-name. Although we love the name Fraser, and my BILs, we thought there were already enough Frasers in the family; we did use David as our son's first mn, but we would have anyway for other reasons. It never occurred to either of us to use Ernest, and two H-name people in the same house would have been confusing.

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So, in the end we just agreed on a name we both liked. If he had wanted a name, family or otherwise, that I didn't like, we'd have discussed it, considered options and found something that we could agree on.

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The closest we came to the issue you actually raised, was in naming our first daughter. DH's mother died of cancer when he was 5, and he wanted to use her name. My mother died young, but he had known and loved her, so her name was also in the mix. MIL's names - she was Afrikaans - were Bertha Maria, and we didn't like either so we changed Maria to Mary. My mother had disliked her own name, Beatrice, which was her mother's mn, but we both wanted to use it and did. If she had been alive at the time, she would have encouraged us to do whatever we wanted, but she would also have mentioned the problems she had experienced with the nns for Beatrice, most of which she disliked. But it would have been our choice for our child, and she would have respected it. So, I suppose the answer is to pick your partner with care!

By telling him. Both parents have veto rights.

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Compromise would be using mns.
If he was Edward James Smith, calling my son for example David Edward James Smith is the absolute farthest I would go, unless I both loved Edward, and my husband would not go by Edward, but James or Junior or EJ.

A full name the same as a parent's is confusing, uninspired and conceited. However, I would have nothing against and could even push for reusing a partner's fn as a mn or vice versa. I could consider the same fn but only if a good nn was available. I like honouring names but a Junior or a IIIrd is just too much even for me.

I actually dated a guy when I was younger that had the middle name Carl. He was a 4th generation one too with that middle name. Worth noting, both him, his father and his grandfather hated it. His mother had told me if we ended up getting married and having a son, I "had" to use it because she was "made" to by her mother in law. I'm like lady, literally no living person in your family likes the middle name Carl, why are you pushing this cycle of misery?? Lmao XD very funny in retrospect. I didn't end up with him long term but I solute his fiancée on her future battle with the dilemma.

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Edit: I know it's not exactly the same scenario but the moral of the story is basically that if you don't like it stand up for yourself. Sometimes traditions need to be tossed for new things and that's okay.

This message was edited 1/25/2022, 10:14 AM