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I haven't quite lost him yet. He's my paternal grandfather. He had a quadruple bypass after a heart attack in the 90's. The valve he needed required a specific fluid to place it and he had to be resuscitated on the table for an allergic reaction to it. A few years ago they told him the valve would be expiring and that he had the option to replace it and risk dying on the operating table, or he could live out the life of the valve which tends to last past its expiration date. He decided to live out the life of the valve, but over the past year there have more and more indicators that the time is getting close. He's been passing out, he is consistently tired and will fall asleep mid-conversation, and recently he had another heart attack requiring a hospital stay.

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Despite knowing something is coming, it doesn't make it any easier. I had a conversation with him once about how he and my grandma chose the names for their children. He said he always wanted to name their daughter Susannah, but she vetoed him. I would like to use that name to honor him.