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I think of them as being pronounced slightly differently - Meh (e like bed) -ree versus Maa (a like mat) -ree. But when I say them aloud, my R is too strong and my tongue too lazy to make the a/e distinction, and they do both sound exactly the same. But I don't think of them as being the same name, unless they actually do become confused. Like if I'm introduced to a Merry and assume she's Mary until I see the name written. I guess they could be alternatives to each other if all you cared about was the sound, but I'm not in that position so I don't think of them that way.

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Like you I prefer the look of Merry. It looks less staid and dull, like Claire compared to Clare, or Sera compared to Sarah. But I like Mary, the name, better than Merry the name. If it's Meri as a nickname for something, that's even cooler. Merry could be a nickname too, and I think it's more appealing as a nickname for something, than as a word-name in itself.

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- mirfak