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HelpRe: Claire
in reply to a message by Telfalathiel
Hmmm, that's a tough one. One the one hand, it sucks to be told that you shouldn't use a name you love. On the other hand, I can understand a family member cringing at a name that has very bad personal associations with it.
This reminds of something in my own family. I have four half-siblings through my father, all of whom I despise. Just thinking of them makes me feel sick. Just hearing their names makes me feel sick. The name of the youngest is Suzanne. When my sister was pregnant with her first child, she told me that she really liked Susannah, but she was hesitating because it is so close to the name of our half-sister. I told her that I would really prefer she not use it, because hearing it would always make me think of someone I despise.
In the end, she didn't use it, but I don't think it was because of what I said.
Funny, because in the abstract I can say that I like Susannah, as I did just below, but in real life, I wouldn't want to hear it a lot, and wouldn't want a family member to have the name, because of that bad association.
But I can see how it would be annoying to be told you "can't" use a name because it's a bad reminder to someone else. I didn't make as big a deal about it to my sister as your sister did to you, didn't say she wouldn't love me and didn't try to make her swear that she wouldn't. I just said calmly that I'd prefer she didn't. Yeah, it's a tough one.
This reminds of something in my own family. I have four half-siblings through my father, all of whom I despise. Just thinking of them makes me feel sick. Just hearing their names makes me feel sick. The name of the youngest is Suzanne. When my sister was pregnant with her first child, she told me that she really liked Susannah, but she was hesitating because it is so close to the name of our half-sister. I told her that I would really prefer she not use it, because hearing it would always make me think of someone I despise.
In the end, she didn't use it, but I don't think it was because of what I said.
Funny, because in the abstract I can say that I like Susannah, as I did just below, but in real life, I wouldn't want to hear it a lot, and wouldn't want a family member to have the name, because of that bad association.
But I can see how it would be annoying to be told you "can't" use a name because it's a bad reminder to someone else. I didn't make as big a deal about it to my sister as your sister did to you, didn't say she wouldn't love me and didn't try to make her swear that she wouldn't. I just said calmly that I'd prefer she didn't. Yeah, it's a tough one.
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The reality is I probably won't ever use it. There are so many names that I love even more. I just feel I shouldn't be made to promise not to. I cringe everytime I hear Beth, but if my sister loved the name, I'd like to think I'd be able to deal with it on my own and not throw a fit.
This message was edited 5/28/2010, 9:50 PM
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