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Help[Facts] Southern Men
Awright, awright, since this is Liszt Week on BehindTheLame, in self-defense I'd better throw out one with our own charming regional flavor --
The Top FORTY Things You'll NEVER Hear A Southern Man Say:
40. Oh I just couldn't, she's only sixteen.
39. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
38. Duct tape won't fix that.
37. Honey, I think we should sell the pickup and buy a family sedan.
36. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
35. We don't keep firearms in this house.
34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
33. You can't feed that to the dog.
32. I thought Graceland was tacky.
31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
30. Wrestling is fake.
29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
28. We're vegetarians.
27. Do you think my gut is too big?
26. I'll have grapefruit and yogurt instead of biscuits and gravy.
25. Honey, we don't need another dog.
24. Who gives a damn who won the Civil War?
23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
21. Spittin' is such a nasty habit.
20. I just couldn't find a thing at WalMart today.
19. Trim the fat off that steak.
18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
17. The tires on that truck are too big.
16. I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
15. I've got it all saved on the C: drive.
14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
13. Would you like your fish poached or broiled?
12. My fiancee, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
11. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
9. Checkmate.
8. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
7. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
6. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
5. I don't have a favorite college team.
4. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
3. You All.
2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
And, the Number One thing you'll NEVER hear a Southern Man say:
1. Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin' tonight.
The Top FORTY Things You'll NEVER Hear A Southern Man Say:
40. Oh I just couldn't, she's only sixteen.
39. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
38. Duct tape won't fix that.
37. Honey, I think we should sell the pickup and buy a family sedan.
36. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
35. We don't keep firearms in this house.
34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
33. You can't feed that to the dog.
32. I thought Graceland was tacky.
31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
30. Wrestling is fake.
29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
28. We're vegetarians.
27. Do you think my gut is too big?
26. I'll have grapefruit and yogurt instead of biscuits and gravy.
25. Honey, we don't need another dog.
24. Who gives a damn who won the Civil War?
23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
21. Spittin' is such a nasty habit.
20. I just couldn't find a thing at WalMart today.
19. Trim the fat off that steak.
18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
17. The tires on that truck are too big.
16. I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
15. I've got it all saved on the C: drive.
14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
13. Would you like your fish poached or broiled?
12. My fiancee, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
11. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
9. Checkmate.
8. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
7. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
6. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
5. I don't have a favorite college team.
4. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
3. You All.
2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
And, the Number One thing you'll NEVER hear a Southern Man say:
1. Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin' tonight.
1
Replies
I have another theory, that Zima is simply watered-down Japanese sake individually bottled and chilled. Wherever they make either of them, it's in a vat where old soiled undershorts go to die.
Besides, if a local here DID drink Zima, it'd be Zima Light. What do Southerners these days have against non-disco (real) beer?
Besides, if a local here DID drink Zima, it'd be Zima Light. What do Southerners these days have against non-disco (real) beer?
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lol good theroy, cause that stuff is gross!!! And you know southeners may not know the difference!! Since they cant pronouce words they may not be able to read them????
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Southern Men (uncensored version)
Th' Top FORTY Thin's Yo'll NEVER Hear A Southern Man Say:
40. Oh ah jest c'dn't, she's only sixteen, as enny fool kin plainly see.
39. I'll take Shakespeare fo' 1000, Alex.
38. Duck tape won't fix thet.
37. Honey, ah reckon we sh'd sell th' pickup an' buy a fambly sedan, as enny fool kin plainly see.
36. Come t'reckon of it, I'll haf a Heineken, as enny fool kin plainly see.
35. We doesn't keep firearms in this hyar house.
34. Has ennybody see th' sideburns trimmer?
33. Yo' kin't feed thet t'th' houn'dog.
32. ah thunk Gracelan' was tacky.
31. No kids in th' back of th' pickup, it's jest not safe.
30. Wrestlin' is fake.
29. Honey, did yo' mail thet donashun t'Greenpeace?
28. We is vegitarians.
27. Do yo' reckon mah gut is too trimenjus?
26. I'll haf grapefruit an' yogurt instead of biscuits an' gravy.
25. Honey, we doesn't need t'other houn'dog.
24. Who gives a dadburn who won th' Civil War?
23. Gimme th' small bag of pawk rinds.
22. Too menny deer haids detrack fum th' deco'.
21. Spittin' is sech a nasty habit.
20. ah jest c'dn't find a thin' at WalMart today.
19. Trim th' fat off thet steak. Shet mah mouth!
18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
17. Th' tires on thet truck is too trimenjus.
16. I'll haf th' arugula an' radicchio salad, cuss it all t' tarnation.
15. I've got it all saved on th' C: drive.
14. Unsweetened a six pack tastes better.
13. W'd yo' like yer fish poached o' broiled?
12. Mah fee-ancy, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffenny's.
11. I've got two cases of Zima fo' th' Super Bowl, ah reckon.
10. Li'l Debbie snack cakes haftao menny fat grams.
9. Checkmate.
8. She's too yo'ng t'be warin' a bikini.
7. Does th' salad bar haf bean sprouts?
6. Hey, hyar's an episode of "Hee Haw" thet we ain't see.
5. ah doesn't haf a favo'ite college team, dawgone it.
4. Be sho'nuff t'brin' mah salad dressin' on th' side.
3. Yo' All, ah reckon.
2. Them sho'ts ought t'be a li'l longer, Darla.
An', th' Number One thin' yo'll NEVER hear a Southern Man say:
1. Nope, no mo'e fo' me. ah's drivin' tonight.
Th' Top FORTY Thin's Yo'll NEVER Hear A Southern Man Say:
40. Oh ah jest c'dn't, she's only sixteen, as enny fool kin plainly see.
39. I'll take Shakespeare fo' 1000, Alex.
38. Duck tape won't fix thet.
37. Honey, ah reckon we sh'd sell th' pickup an' buy a fambly sedan, as enny fool kin plainly see.
36. Come t'reckon of it, I'll haf a Heineken, as enny fool kin plainly see.
35. We doesn't keep firearms in this hyar house.
34. Has ennybody see th' sideburns trimmer?
33. Yo' kin't feed thet t'th' houn'dog.
32. ah thunk Gracelan' was tacky.
31. No kids in th' back of th' pickup, it's jest not safe.
30. Wrestlin' is fake.
29. Honey, did yo' mail thet donashun t'Greenpeace?
28. We is vegitarians.
27. Do yo' reckon mah gut is too trimenjus?
26. I'll haf grapefruit an' yogurt instead of biscuits an' gravy.
25. Honey, we doesn't need t'other houn'dog.
24. Who gives a dadburn who won th' Civil War?
23. Gimme th' small bag of pawk rinds.
22. Too menny deer haids detrack fum th' deco'.
21. Spittin' is sech a nasty habit.
20. ah jest c'dn't find a thin' at WalMart today.
19. Trim th' fat off thet steak. Shet mah mouth!
18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
17. Th' tires on thet truck is too trimenjus.
16. I'll haf th' arugula an' radicchio salad, cuss it all t' tarnation.
15. I've got it all saved on th' C: drive.
14. Unsweetened a six pack tastes better.
13. W'd yo' like yer fish poached o' broiled?
12. Mah fee-ancy, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffenny's.
11. I've got two cases of Zima fo' th' Super Bowl, ah reckon.
10. Li'l Debbie snack cakes haftao menny fat grams.
9. Checkmate.
8. She's too yo'ng t'be warin' a bikini.
7. Does th' salad bar haf bean sprouts?
6. Hey, hyar's an episode of "Hee Haw" thet we ain't see.
5. ah doesn't haf a favo'ite college team, dawgone it.
4. Be sho'nuff t'brin' mah salad dressin' on th' side.
3. Yo' All, ah reckon.
2. Them sho'ts ought t'be a li'l longer, Darla.
An', th' Number One thin' yo'll NEVER hear a Southern Man say:
1. Nope, no mo'e fo' me. ah's drivin' tonight.
1
LMAO! You're in good form tonight, Shiner. ;)
-- Nanaea
-- Nanaea
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