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Help[Opinions] Re: Thoughts on a nickname for my still-regretful name choice....
in reply to a message by anxiolytics
I think you gotta back off, because if everyone's calling her Rosalie and your own husband is annoyed with you (you had him look at 30 or 40 names?!), sooner or later it will start to seem to be about the baby herself, and not just a name.
It wasn't just in his mind that you had an agreement. You actually did agree with him about the name! Now you want to un-agree and he says no, so ... I have to ask, have you ever heard of displacement? Maybe you should consider the possibility that there was some other, more important and less controllable situation, in which you agreed to something with your husband and regretted it. Maybe your feelings about something else, that you won't or can't easily address, are coming out about the name, where you feel you could have control and "fix" it. How did your childbirth go?
Don't answer that, please. I'm only going off psychologizing, because your obsession with something you really could just choose to be positive about, seems to be getting potentially destructive. That's my impression from what you say, and how you seem determined to talk yourself into how much you hate Rosalie and yet can't come up with an agreeable alternative.
FWIW it might help you to remember that -ie endings in French-derived names such as Rosalie are not cutesy at all but formal. Natalie, Amelie, Eugenie, Eulalie, Sylvie, Marie. These are not cutesy and do not seem cutesy. Rosalie is not only in a style that resembles French origin, it IS a legitimate French form. Also, Rose is one of the most dignified and ancient symbols to be found in feminine names. It's not just pretty-pretty or fashionable. Zalia, on the other hand ... I dunno.
And I have encountered the (nick)name Rosie on a girl and I think it seems strong, not cute.
It wasn't just in his mind that you had an agreement. You actually did agree with him about the name! Now you want to un-agree and he says no, so ... I have to ask, have you ever heard of displacement? Maybe you should consider the possibility that there was some other, more important and less controllable situation, in which you agreed to something with your husband and regretted it. Maybe your feelings about something else, that you won't or can't easily address, are coming out about the name, where you feel you could have control and "fix" it. How did your childbirth go?
Don't answer that, please. I'm only going off psychologizing, because your obsession with something you really could just choose to be positive about, seems to be getting potentially destructive. That's my impression from what you say, and how you seem determined to talk yourself into how much you hate Rosalie and yet can't come up with an agreeable alternative.
FWIW it might help you to remember that -ie endings in French-derived names such as Rosalie are not cutesy at all but formal. Natalie, Amelie, Eugenie, Eulalie, Sylvie, Marie. These are not cutesy and do not seem cutesy. Rosalie is not only in a style that resembles French origin, it IS a legitimate French form. Also, Rose is one of the most dignified and ancient symbols to be found in feminine names. It's not just pretty-pretty or fashionable. Zalia, on the other hand ... I dunno.
And I have encountered the (nick)name Rosie on a girl and I think it seems strong, not cute.
This message was edited 4/10/2012, 12:43 PM
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Replies
The only Rosalie I know *is* French-speaking.I think it's a beautiful name.
I also know a young woman named Maria-Rose; she's usually called Rosie. She's a fine, beautiful person, a mother of a darling baby boy, and an excellent singer.
I also know a young woman named Maria-Rose; she's usually called Rosie. She's a fine, beautiful person, a mother of a darling baby boy, and an excellent singer.
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Hi Tassiegirl, thank you for the lovely anecdotal experience!
This message was edited 4/10/2012, 7:58 PM
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Curious...
...why do you assume a lot of women have traumatic birth experiences?
I know some do , but there are plenty who don't .
...why do you assume a lot of women have traumatic birth experiences?
I know some do , but there are plenty who don't .
This message was edited 4/10/2012, 2:49 PM
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Uh, where do you get the idea that I "assume a lot of women have traumatic birth experiences"? It just seemed like the obvious thing that could be another source of resentment, if something had happened around the birth where her husband had done something she didn't want.
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It's just because it's not the first time I've seen you bring it up. The link isn't as obvious to me, so I wondered. Hope I didn't offend you.
This message was edited 4/10/2012, 6:51 PM
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It wasn't the first thing I thought of. It just occurred to me as a possibility after I did my lame picking apart thing. I wonder where else you've seen me bring it up when it was not already the topic. Not sure that has ever happened.
Maybe you just have gotten the idea from "the sum of my posts" that I'm too opinionated about childbirth in general, which is possibly true. But despite that, I'm actually not sitting here going it was awful wasn't it! oh the terrible state of modern childbirth! in response to this. haha
Maybe you just have gotten the idea from "the sum of my posts" that I'm too opinionated about childbirth in general, which is possibly true. But despite that, I'm actually not sitting here going it was awful wasn't it! oh the terrible state of modern childbirth! in response to this. haha
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It was more the sum of your posts than one post/thread in particular, but I think I jumped to a conclusion here, and I shouldn't have. Just because you have strong opinions about something, that doesn't make you TOO opinionated.
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quote:
It wasn't just in his mind that you had an agreement. You actually did agree with him about the name! Now you want to un-agree and he says no, so ... I have to ask, have you ever heard of displacement? Maybe you should consider the possibility that there was some other, more important and less controllable situation, in which you agreed to something with your husband and regretted it. Maybe your feelings about something else, that you won't or can't easily address, are coming out about the name, where you feel you could have control and "fix" it. How did your childbirth go?
I won't answer it but yes I have heard of displacement and this is all a valid thought process on your part and a possibility I suppose. And I do feel a little angry that I did not want to name her at the hospital and he pressured me to choose then, as he did not want to come back in two weeks to fill out the forms, he just wanted it done.
yes, I agree that reminding myself of the french name-ending angle is also a valid/important one to consider, regardless of how other people might interpret the name. I think I just had not realized that it would be misinterpreted as a compound name and since I never liked the ends-in-ee sound much anyway, that got the ball rolling in the wrong direction for me.
Since he told me I could come up with a nickname or pet name I figured I might try that angle.
Thanks for your thoughts.
It wasn't just in his mind that you had an agreement. You actually did agree with him about the name! Now you want to un-agree and he says no, so ... I have to ask, have you ever heard of displacement? Maybe you should consider the possibility that there was some other, more important and less controllable situation, in which you agreed to something with your husband and regretted it. Maybe your feelings about something else, that you won't or can't easily address, are coming out about the name, where you feel you could have control and "fix" it. How did your childbirth go?
I won't answer it but yes I have heard of displacement and this is all a valid thought process on your part and a possibility I suppose. And I do feel a little angry that I did not want to name her at the hospital and he pressured me to choose then, as he did not want to come back in two weeks to fill out the forms, he just wanted it done.
yes, I agree that reminding myself of the french name-ending angle is also a valid/important one to consider, regardless of how other people might interpret the name. I think I just had not realized that it would be misinterpreted as a compound name and since I never liked the ends-in-ee sound much anyway, that got the ball rolling in the wrong direction for me.
Since he told me I could come up with a nickname or pet name I figured I might try that angle.
Thanks for your thoughts.
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