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I am in complete agreement, I have the exact problem and it still one of my favorite names. I think tobias is very regal and masculine without being run of the mill. I also think I you want to stick with Tobias, you just have to enforce it. I am a Caitlyn and my parents never told (or let :]) anyone call me Cait or Caity and so I'm Caitlyn to everyone , even my nest friends. You could always call him T or call him by his initials, like TJ or something. I wouldn't worry. If you love the name like I do, then go with it. :)