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Oh Jesus Christ, where do all the Aftons come from? I think they're planning to take over the world or something. And the Autumn Skys. Yes, we get it, "Autumn Sky". Yes, you are creative. Now, please stop.

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Alaska Maye - ROFL. As opposed to Michigan Maye or Arkansas Maye, I guess.
Newshelong Tommy - Oh God. Please, please, please be legit somewhere. I may lose all faith if not.
Astrid Bentley - ASTRID ON A BOY? WTF, people?
Joaquin Diego - My only ray of sunshine in here!